Friday, September 4, 2009

The Showdown at Oh-Kid Corral

The gleam in his eye is such that you'd think the sun was reflecting in it.  I can see the steady resolve.  Slowly, methodically, purposefully he moves closer.

Like an animal backed into a corner I realize I must match this intensity if I hope to come out of it unscathed.  I stand to my feet, slowly without lowering my gaze.  I must not look away.  Keep it together!  I raise my trembling hand to my forehead and wipe my brow.  I feel the chill crawl down my spine.  This is it.  Steady now.

He paces cautiously in a circle, never looking away.

Fresh beads of sweat introduce themselves to the back of my neck causing a shiver I refuse to allow.  I match his gaze, I stay the same distance from him, pacing opposite him awaiting his move, ready to counter.  Then I see it.

He stands up straight, plants his feet firmly beneath him and I swear I see a small curl on his upper lip.

I crouch further to strengthen my stance.  Here it comes.  I fight the urge to close my eyes while dropping to a fetal position on the floor.  Stay strong.  You can do this.  

The neighbor's dog starts to howl as he hears the most shrill, inhuman-like, chilling wail ever followed instantly by a blunt thud.  I dive in, grabbing him by his waist, fighting what I would swear was an octopus, arms and legs everywhere.  Twisting, turning, twirling.  I hold on trying to sustain minimal damage.  All at once I snatch him up and run.

He swings wildly like a caged animal hitting me square in the nose.  He wants blood.  Another blow to the knee.

Limping and bleeding I maintain.  I must complete the task or no one will be safe!  Finally I see it, its right in front of me.  Almost there.  I plant this little ball of fury firmly behind the baby gate to his room for a nice long time out!  With an almost unseen smirk in the corner of my mouth I wipe my hands together and walk off.  Victoriously ending the temper tantrum from my 3-year-old!

I'm convinced moms should have military-issued body armor for moments like this...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Lil Ninja

Somewhere between sleep and awake I feel an urgency wash over me.  I can’t really tell yet if I’m dreaming or awake.  I toss and turn a bit and snooze a little longer.  I am woken again by this feeling.  A little more awake this time I decide its time to get up.
I open our bedroom door and there he is.  Yep.  He did it again.  A, (that’s what we call him) got out of his room, quietly I might add, and was petering around in the kitchen.  It must have been like a treasure trove to him, alone… in the kitchen… at last!  I wonder if he wrung his chubby little hands and narrowed his eyes when he realized all the mischief he could create before Mom and Dad got up.  I’d bet he did.
Somehow, someway he was able to get the top part of his baby gate down (again… did I mention that part?) and climb over the remains to a wide world of uninhibited freedom.  (We should all be so lucky.)
The baby gate is one of those old plastic mesh looking ones that have the adjustable sides with metal poles that you have to stand on end and twist up and down at the same time.  Its not like our other one where you just reach to the other side and pull up the lock.  (He mastered that long before he could walk if I remember right.)  Anyway, it takes some doing.
Our door frames, poor mistreated things, have little rings dug into the wood from us trying to wedge it in so good that he can’t twist it off.  (He’s freakishly strong.)  Sadly, the doorframe is no match for A.  He wins every time, no matter how tight we make it.  So now what, we buy a straight jacket so we can sleep at night?  *shrug*  Who knows.  Maybe, if we let him keep exploring we could wake one morning to find he’s cooked us breakfast.  That could be nice… I think.

My Sensory Seeker

Yes, its exactly like it sounds.
I begin to panic because I realize its too quiet.  “Oh no!  He’s into something again!”  I begin calling his name and frantically searching the house.  He can’t go far, we have baby gates up though their only purpose is to slow him down long enough to catch him.

“Mommy!” he smiles at me, so proud of his ‘art’.  All I can do is close my eyes and laugh quietly (so as to not encourage him further).  “Oh honey, what a mess!”  I sigh as I begin cleaning up his latest liquid adventure.
He has a thing for spitting liquid, pouring liquid, whatever, into anything and everything he can find.  Yes, my almost-3-year-old is my sensory seeking kiddo.  If he’s not pouring milk or juice into my paper shredder or his legos then he’s usually on top of the table or running laps around the house.

Its like ADHD on speed is how I like to describe it.  Sensory Processing Disorder, I don’t fully understand it yet, but boy do I know how it wreaks havoc on a house, and family.  Frankly, its exhausting.  He has no off button, ever.  Hilarious at times, but yes, truly exhausting.

This blog is dedicated to all the mothers (and fathers) who chase these little ones all around their house, the grocery store, the park, everywhere.  Ours is the youngest of four and yet I was still ill-prepared for what a bundle of energy and love he is.

For those of you not in the know, (and that’s a lot of us) here is a link to get you started.

If you need a dose of humor regarding parenting with a dose of encouragement, you are in the right place.  I can’t promise to keep it clean (you know there are always good potty stories!) but I can promise you will always be entertained and hopefully leave with a sense of knowing you are not alone in this crazy world.

Thanks for visiting!


I am startled awake, my hands sweaty, my heart seemingly running a marathon on its own, my chest heaves up and down as I try to catch my breath.  I have a knot in my stomach, I know something is different…
My eyebrows furrow and I lower my head as I try to gain my senses.  Think Heather,  think! I am becoming more aware of my surroundings.  I see the sun peering through the crack in the blinds reminding me of the time.  The empty spot on the bed next to me makes me curious.  Where did he go?
Wait a minute, it starts to occur to me.  Its silent, absolutely silent! I wonder where everyone is.  Then it hits me…
THEY ARE BACK IN SCHOOL!  And Mommy got a nap wohoo!  Albeit abruptly ended but hey, I’ll take it!

Oh Happy Day!

Yes, today was the day! Three of my little cherubs went off to school. Once I got them all dropped off I went back home with the little guy and we danced a little jig. I will be dancing a bigger jig when he starts on Tuesday.

Just imagine it with me…
A time where all children are happily learning in their classrooms, taken care of, not lacking for anything, not needing mommy to rush home for some thing or other. Time alone moms! TIME ALONE! Yes, you can dare to dream with me, for those of you with little ones that wear you out to your very core, hang tight! They eventually all go to school!

Now before some of you get all self righteous on me, I’m not talking to you anyway so, move along. I’m talking to the mothers of those that have no off button. The little ones (and sometimes big ones) that never give their parents a break. They are the ones you see giving mom fits in the grocery store. Yes sometimes it really is more than horrible parenting so please spare us your judgmental looks and snide remarks and just be thankful for your perfectly compliant children. Some of us were blessed with those that don’t conform, they dance to their own drummer, they are their own person. Its wonderful when they are older, but these little ones are hellions to raise. Even for the best intentioned parents.

So I thought today that I would just be in bliss all day and everything would be like experiencing it for the first time again. But really… in reality… my happiest moment was when it dawned on me that I can pee with the door open again! Hey some of us just like a little freedom! Its liberating, try it!

Back to School - Sweet Salvation

I think I am on the verge of insanity.  I would have to be to raise four children all with their own little (big!) issues that make life so interesting and well... chaotic!

It currently sounds like World War II behind me.  Close your eyes and visualize with me.  Three boys (15, 11, and almost 3) talking, yelling at the X-Box, running in circles and standing in front of said brother that is trying to game.  Maybe there is a ball being thrown around behind me?  I refuse to turn around to look.  Mommy is blogging (la la la).

Then there is my lone girl.  You wouldn't know it though, she plays as rough as the boys.  (Guess you have to when you have brothers).  She's a little mini mommy, its cute, she teaches her little brother his colors and numbers and such.

Have you ever longed for something so badly that you dream about it at night and it consumes nearly all your thoughts?  You find yourself distracted with other things because you are busy willing this thing to happen?  Yeah me too, that's how I feel about school.  (Come sweet salvation, come!)

The little one in all his sensory-seeking glory gets to start preschool this year.  I'm pretty sure I danced a rhythm-less little jig in the school office when they said all his papers were filled out and he's registered.  I couldn't help it, I lost control for a second, just a second.

I find myself waking at night from sheer excitement over the blessed day coming.  Counting the days, I cross them off on the calendar and tell the children its because I'm so excited for them to start another year and meet new friends and have new experiences (blush).  When in reality...I just can't wait for an hour and a half off every day where the little one is in preschool!

The very first thing I will do is run around the house naked I'm sure.  Don't worry, I'll close the blinds first.  (Hopefully I don't forget!)  Then when I catch a glimpse of my hasn't-been-seen-naked-in-awhile body I'll probably cry but then I will blend the largest coffee I've ever made and drink it shamelessly with whip cream and chocolate drizzle and any other sinful edible I can find.  Ahh how I dream of that day!

*bubble pops*

The Four Musketeers

But I guess for now I better go play referee again (seriously I should get paid) and I'm pretty sure the baby is on top of the table now so... ta ta!